When your personal relationships are taking a toll… Balancing Love & Business
By: Melissa McKinney with The Hive Law
When I first started out on my own, I was forced to do a lot of hustling. I didn't have partners to feed me clients or a well-known firm's name attached to my business card. This meant I had to go on a lot of coffee dates, networking events, and call up other small firms to see if they needed help.
I was so focused on building this monster of a business that my home life took a toll.
At the time, my husband and I had only been married for a little over a year. So the honeymoon phase had passed and we could no longer excuse the fact that I was spending almost every waking second thinking, planning, or talking about “The Hive”.
Eventually, I had to face the facts: “I wasn't present in my marriage.” So
I had to make a change; it came in increments, though. It was difficult for me to just stomp on the breaks and automatically have a perfect balance. It took a lot of purposeful planning to help me really let go of the workday and transition into my non-working self.
Since most of my work was done from home, I made sure to keep the office door shut after office hours. So from 4 pm to 7 am the next day, I wasn't allowed to open that door. It helped for me to physically turn off my work mode. That was probably my biggest struggle. Work was so accessible; it was literally under the same roof.
Next step I took was to basically disconnect from my phone after 4 pm altogether. Since I have all my work emails, contacts, etc. at the press of a button on my phone, I decided to just be phone-free (as much as possible) once my husband got home from work. This forced me to be in the moment and not jolt at the sound of an incoming email. It also helped me to unwind before bed, so that was a huge plus.
Finally, I made a conscious effort not to talk about work in a negative way.
When “The Hive” was first starting, it was very easy to complain.
Complain about all the work that needed to get done, all the clients I wish
I had, and how law school doesn't prepare you for this. I was a real wet diaper when I think about it. I was bringing all of that negative energy into our house. Now, I make sure not to complain on and on about how hard work is. For starters, everyone's job is hard; it's not like my husband's work is a walk in the park. So now, I make sure to talk positively about my day, clients, and opposing counsel. I can definitely tell that it makes a difference in the mood of the house but also with how I see work.
Too Many Networking Event Invites? When is it worth your Time?
#1 Identify Your Purpose for showing up:
One of the most critical aspects of obtaining value from networking events is identifying what you have to gain. Recognizing your weaknesses is an effective way to identify how you can benefit from a networking event. Pinpointing areas of improvement in your business model can aid in discovering what takeaways you should seek out. Once you’ve identified where you have room for growth, whether it be operational, managerial, or even personal you’ll be able to identify what you have to gain. Identifying areas for growth can assist in deciding which events will be most beneficial. If technical aspects are your bread and butter, but interpersonal communication is your weakness, seek out the latter. Once you’ve recognized what you need to learn or improve on, being excited and motivated for your event should come naturally.
#2 Build Relationships:
Business professionals need to be reminded of why the best business relationships are built on trust and accountability. By placing these values at the forefront of your mind, you’ll be motivated to familiarize yourself with attendees personally before seeking out a business relationship. Getting to know attendees before trying to build a business relationship will help you decide to recognize the value of building relationships in relation to developing their careers. Before attending a networking event, take time to think about the values you would seek out in a co-worker, business partner or employee. By focusing on what values are important to you, people are sincerely aligned with your values and business ethics. If not, you should decide if it is truly the best idea to make future business decisions together.
#3 Get Out of Your Comfort Zone:
Truthfully, if attending a networking event isn’t pushing you outside of your comfort zone, then you likely aren’t benefiting from it. If the idea of attending a networking event alone makes you nervous, then that is exactly what you should be doing. Going to networking events alone may spark a sense of excitement, even if it is accompanied by nerves. Excitement and nerves are better than boredom or absent-mindedness. By attending networking events outside of your normal social circle, you may find yourself more receptive to new ideas and with a refreshed sense of energy.
